After interviewing numerous sets of parents the verdict is in:  we all worry about ruining our kids and messing ’em up.  If you want to know how avoid messing up your kids in 2017 keep reading.

According to the University of Scanton Journal of Clinical Psychology in 2016 spending more time with family was part of American’s top 10 New Year’s resolutions. Although there are countless ways to achieve this goal, I want to highlight two key elements to support you in that goal. Practicing each of these is the work of a lifetime. Odds are that you won’t master these in a year-and will probably make these same resolutions next year. Even so, they include:

Avoid Messing Up Your Kids By Modeling Trust and Respect.

Do you want to raise kids who are considerate and respectful, right through the teen years? Try speaking to them in ways that are calm and validate their unique perspective. After all, one of the simplest ways all kids learn is by mimicking the behavior of their parents’. It’s not very easy to model trust and respect when you’re annoyed or angry, so remember these little tips: You’re the parent so be the role model. Don’t take your child’s behavior personally. Most things are not an emergency. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Chill out because the meltdowns, emotional snarls, and tantrums shall pass!

Avoid Messing Up Your Kids By Addressing the Feelings Underneath Their Behavior.

If yelling or punishing your child for his behavior was effective, it would have worked already. Remember, misbehavior often signals that your child needs your help to handle big emotions. What does this mean for you? Once you address the underlying feelings, the behavior tends to change. Parents who lead by loving example tend to redirect unwanted behaviors before they consider punishing children for them. For example, you can say things like, “You can throw the ball outside.” You can set limits with empathy by saying, “You’re mad and sad, but hitting is not an option. Use your words, not your fist to tell your brother how you feel.” Over time, you will raise self-disciplined kids who WANT to follow your leadership.

These New Year’s resolutions won’t come easy. But the truth is that the fastest way to create that kind of family is to decide, in advance, to go in that direction–and commit to the path.

A Point To Ponder

Parenting is a journey, not a destination.

Note:  If you want help in these two key areas, then mark your calendar.  I’m holding a private parenting seminar at Vanguard University in Costa Mesa on Saturday, March 18, 2017 from 1-5pm.  More details to follow soon.